What a Fiasco

I work part time at my FLGS (Friendly Local Gaming Store), which is why my posts to this blog (and my other, political blog You Wouldn't Vote For Me) have fallen off precipitously over the past three years or so. I do really enjoy working at the FLGS, I'm DM'ing one of the two weekly D&D 5e Adventurers League games plus working two other days as a sales associate, and it's let me stretch my gamemaster muscles and hone my craft. Plus I get to talk to a ton of people about games every week, and get a little extra spending cash, so that's not all bad. But this post is not about why I have not posted recently, it is about a game I dislike. I dislike it's premise, I dislike that its creator calls it a game when I (and many others) deem it to be an activity at best, I dislike the frothing-at-the-mouth fanboys of this activity that will hear no ill words about their beloved activity and its creator, and I dislike that they charge anybody money for this product when you could write a better activity in a blog post and pass it around for free. Which is what I am doing right now. I am going to stop talking about the original not-a-game activity, and give you a better one, that does not pretend it is a game and does not cost you any money. No, I will not shame said activity by giving you the name... but you can figure out which one I'm talking about.

Okay, one last thing about the not-a-game activity and I will shut up about it - I had a run-in with the creator of said activity on the internet, which prompted this post. We got into an argument over if something was a game or not, and that ended when he made up a quote from Isaac Asimov or Ray Bradbury (one of those sci-fi author luminaries from the '60s) trying to prove that all of his works were, indeed, games. I could not find the source of that quote after an hour of searching the vast reaches of the internet, and I realized he was full of shit and blocked him. And yes, we carry his activity at the FLGS I work at, but we like making money and people still want to buy it, so I bite my tongue when someone asks for it by name, and avoid mentioning it if they don't.

If you are wondering what this activity thing is that I keep talking about, and the difference between an activity and a game, think about the board game Chutes and Ladders. This is actually an activity, not a game. Why? There is no strategy to it, no decisions to be made, you merely roll dice or spin the wheel or whatever your copy has, and whoever is the luckiest, wins. It's an activity meant to teach kids how to count or what colors are if you had the edition that used color cards. This is not a game, there are no tactics to it, there is no sport, there is merely waiting to see who got luckiest and "wins". Likewise, what I am about to share is also an activity, because there is no tactics, no strategy, no competition - you will be sharing an activity with your friends and enjoying yourselves. That's it. There will be no declared "winners" or "losers", you will simply be doing a non-game something with other people. Or by yourself. See, my activity is wide ranging! You can participate in it by yourself or do it with as many people as you can stomach.

Are you a Star Wars nerd? Do you think that the original trilogy (called capital "O" Original from here on out) was pretty good, the Prequels could really have used a rewrite, and the Sequel movies are an abomination that need to be killed with fire for the obvious cash grabs they are? Then have I got an activity for you and your like-minded friends! First, let's talk about what you'll be doing - you and your friends will write brand new scripts for Episodes 1, 2, and 3 of the Star Wars franchise. Not rewrite, but write, from scratch. Second, this can be a one time party activity kind of thing, or you can go to the deep end of the pool, and form a group of friends that will meet regularly until it's done. You go as deep or as shallow into this as you want. Third, you're not making money off of this, no one wants to buy your fanfic, so don't worry about IP... unless you do manage to write something so impressively awe inspiring, in which case I suggest changing all of the names, removing all of the fan-service, self referential bits, and never, I mean NEVER, mention it is a Star Wars knockoff to anyone else or face the wrath of a brigade's worth of Disney Attack Lawyers.

BASIC ACTIVITY

First thing I suggest you do is define how deep into the pool you want to go - will you splash around in the kiddie pool, brainstorming for a couple of hours, developing characters and plot outline for one of the movies? Or will you go all the way to the 15 meter dive tank and write complete scripts for all three of the Prequel Trilogy? I suggest going shallow at first, not really putting any pressure on any of your friends and scaring them off early, and just see who is really into it and who is only lukewarm on the idea. From there, if you and some of your friends really like it, you can expand the scope and go deeper into the project. But whatever you decide to do, go for it. Have at it and have some fun with it. Remember, not a game, but an activity you share with your friends. 

Great, we have a goal, whether temporary or not, short-term or long-term, we now know a rough estimate of what we want to be doing. Now we need to make sure we have an end point for the trilogy - what details need to be present at the end of our Prequels to flow nicely into the Originals? Let's make a list:

• Luke Skywalker is unknowingly a Force adept, and was given to his Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen (possibly not related) to be kept hidden from his father.
• His father was Anakin Skywalker, a noted Force user and fighter pilot, who eventually becomes Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith.
• Anakin was friends with Obi-Wan Kenobi, another Force user and fighter pilot.
• Anakin and Obi-Wan fought together in the Clone Wars.
• The current Emperor, also a Force user and Sith Lord, brought about the fall of the Old Republic (called just The Republic at the time) to become Emperor. He is a supreme dictator and uses military might over diplomatic bargaining to get what he wants (power).
• The Jedi, a group of Force users, who Obi-Wan and supposedly Anakin belonged to, were much more prevalent in The Republic, and they were opposed by the Sith, and hunted to near extinction by the Imperial government.
• Yoda, another Force user and former member of the Jedi, is also now in hiding.

That's it for now. Right about this point, I hope you're yelling at your monitor, phone, or tablet that I've left out a TON of information, and I have, on purpose (I hope you're yelling because that means you're invested). No, I'm serious here, I have reasons for what I've included and what I haven't. This is the most barebones set of information and characters you need in place to make the Original trilogy happen. You may certainly throw in whatever other bit of trivia or fan-service that you want, but this is the most basic information we need to happen in the Prequels. Yes, I did not mention that Leia is Luke's sister and also a Force user, see below in the Advanced Activity section for more on that and other details you are probably gnashing your teeth and rending your hair over. Think about it for a second, the gap between the end of the 3rd Prequel and the 1st Original is, what? Twenty years or so? That is the gap between World War 1 and World War 2, and look how much changed in that period of time - Germany was a completely different country, Russia had become Soviet Russia, none of the big names in any army were still around, it is an entire new cast of characters, and the countries involved have completely different reasons for participating in the new war. I think this is a failing with the Prequels, too much dependence on old, fan-service characters that have no logical reason to stick around in what amounts practically to limbo for 20 years before showing back up in the Originals. So this is the list I'm providing you to start with. However, if you want to add or subtract to the list, or even toss it all and write a new one from scratch, this is your activity, do with it what you will.

Now you have your characters chosen, whether using my list or your own, time to at least generalize an outline. This could be your entire activity or just the beginning of it, but either way, it's a good idea to put down the major plot points on a piece of paper, typed into a computer document, or if you're really fancy, a great big whiteboard. (side note: I have this fantasy of putting whiteboards on every wall, like the UFC War Room where they plan all the fights, so my home office is almost wallpapered in them, but they are very expensive and I don't really have a use for them... but this would be a great use for those) If you need help about what type of plot points you should put in your Prequels, let me point to you some story/script writing tutorials - 7 Point Story Structure; Dan Harmon's Story Circle; and of course, Joseph Campbell's Hero's Journey, which George Lucas used when writing the Originals. Or you can write down whatever springs to mind and sort it out later. Whatever work flow that, ahem, works for you and your friends.

As an example of how I would pursue this activity is I would go through and decide what to keep and what to completely throw out of plot, characters, and information from the Prequels. Here is my thought process:

• I think Lucas got one thing right, at least with Episodes 2 & 3, and that is the Prequels should be about Anakin, he should be the protagonist (quote Mr Plinkett with me, "pro-Tuh-Gone-ist").
• No, I'm not going to do Anakin as a very young boy, I think Anakin and Obi-Wan are much closer in age than what we are shown in Episode 1.
• I do not like the fan-service of including C-3PO or R2-D2, so they are out.
• I don't like the Gungans, they are insulting to everyone's intelligence, so goodbye JarJar.
• I do like that Luke's mom is a high ranking political figure of a planet and that's how she and Anakin meet (I'm also okay with the name Padme, we'll keep it), and thought I was against the soon to be Emperor being from the same planet as Padme, but now that I think about it more, that is a good excuse for the nigh-Emperor and Anakin to meet.
• I don't like that the Clone Wars are the Republic creating clones and using them on the Trade Federation, implying that all Stormtroopers are clones, a fact that never came up in the Originals, so I'll be changing that. Not sure how yet, but definitely changing it. The Clone Wars themself will still be the backdrop for the Prequels. "It is a time of galactic war..."

Just a small taste, I won't go thru the entire activity here for you, but just as an example. And you note that I haven't done anything that looks like a script, or what order these thoughts are in, this is just some notes that I am making as I ponder where I want to go in my script. So let's start on the outline. First, what is the broadest description of each movie, in your mind? Here's what my first Prequel looks like:

Obi-Wan and Anakin meet at the Jedi Academy. They are assigned to two older Jedi as their Padawans (it was a good enough name, I'll keep that too), and those Jedi are sent on a diplomatic mission to the Separatist Council. The Separatists are threatening the Republic Senate that they will secede as they do not want to pay the taxes levied by the Senate, and they do not want to give up their clones, who they are oppressing by making them do all the dangerous physical jobs in their sector of the Republic. The negotiations are occurring on the nearby planet of Naboo, where Senator Palpatine of Naboo and his young assistant, Padme, are hosting the negotiations. The Jedi arrive to help in the deliberations, but have to protect the Republic negotiating team as the Separatists attempt to kidnap them and hold them for ransom. Obi-Wan and Anakin perform brilliantly, but something about the whole thing seems off to the young Padawans. Palpatine takes Anakin under his wing, politically, and the Padme/Anakin romance begins. The Clone Wars officially begin as the Separatists bring overwhelming numbers of clones and capture Naboo. The movie ends with the negotiating team, plus the Naboo representatives fleeing the planet ahead of the Separatist invasion fleet.

You set up the barest bones in the description, and then expand on them further. Start adding in as many names as you can, but if you just don't have a name for a place, or a person, or an object, put a [PLACEHOLDER] down and come back to it later. This includes the names of each of the movies. Never liked that Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi suddenly became Star Wars Episode 4: A New Hope, etcetera etcetera? Now you can change that shit to your heart's content. Once you feel like your description is good enough, you can stop there or you can start writing a script, whatever you or you and your friends have decided on. I won't bore you with a full tutorial on what screenplays look like, I'll let the YouTubers do that for me. And even if you decide to continue on, you don't have to write an entire screenplay, you could write/type the major scenes, whatever you or you and your friends feel like doing.

And that's it, the Basic Activity is complete and what happens next is up to you. You can call it done and never touch it again. You can pick it up at a later date and put some polish on it, or expand it. Bring in some new friends, different friends, and work on it some more, or even start from scratch and do it again. Without worrying about who won or lost or rolling unnecessary dice - I know, I'm a longtime D&D grognard, and NOT rolling dice feels like blasphemy, but if you're not playing a game, no need to roll any dice - you or you and your friends should have an enjoyable experience. If you did not get any enjoyment from my activity, my apologies, and I will send you your refund of the zero dollars you paid for this activity via carrier pigeon with haste. It's not like I held a gun to your head and forced you to do it, this is all voluntary, remember. 

ADVANCED ACTIVITY

Okay, so you've done as much of the Basic Activity as you have wanted to and are now thirsting for more. This time, instead of writing just the Prequel Trilogy, first you start off writing the 6th movie, Return of the Jedi, or as it was originally called, Revenge of the Jedi. Never liked the awkward almost-incest between Luke and Leia in Empire? Well, when they wrote that movie, the plan was there WAS going to be another Force user out there, it just wasn't going to be Leia, and Leia and Luke weren't going to be siblings. This other Force user was going to be the focus of the Sequels, but we got the movie we got at the end of the Original Trilogy, and thus the Sequels that we got, too. All of that info comes out in the final draft of Return, along with a lot of things, like where the climactic battle was going to take place and the Ewoks. That's why, of the Original Trilogy, older fans will really like the first two movies and think they are great and the third is merely passable, but the more impressionable youngsters like Return the best (and probably the original Prequels, too... feh) because of all the pretty space battles. So if you want to go the longer, more difficult route, take the Advanced path, rewrite Return/Revenge to your liking and then go write the Prequels with that information. If you like Return exactly the way it is, make sure to add to your list of facts up there that Luke and Leia are siblings, Leia is a Force user, and while Luke is given to Owen and Beru to raise, Leia is given to Bail Organa, now or future Imperial Senator from Alderaan. I would include Bail Organa as a character in my Prequels rewrite, because we never see him in the Originals, so you're not sullying anyone's image of him. But like Owen and Beru and the planet Tattoine, don't have Anakin interact with Bail very much. It makes no sense for Obi-Wan to give Anakin's kids, whether he knows they are alive or not at the end of the Prequels, to folks or places Anakin may interact with again, he is a strong Force user and will detect his kids, even from a distance.

You have battled thru some, part, or all of the above and are now looking for another activity - welcome to PHASE TWO ADVANCED! You now have your Prequels scripts, you might have a new Revenge of the Jedi (or whatever you called it), and you can probably guess where Phase 2 is going - write a new set of Sequels scripts. Do you want your Sequels to happen immediately after the Original Trilogy hit theaters, instead of the Prequels, so you can use the Original actors before they age too much? Do it! Do you think that Timothy Zahn's now non-canonical Heir to the Empire trilogy of books is the best piece of Star Wars fiction to come from the minds of anyone, and it's a crime it was never used to write a script? Write those scripts! Do you want to go in a completely new direction with new characters, new plots, just the same universe? Go for it!

DENOUEMENT

In the end, what was all this for? I could have saved myself a lot of trouble and work by telling everyone what a whiney little bastard the creator of the earlier activity is, by name, and why you should not spend your hard earned money on his "games", also dropping their names. But that part I only tangentially care about, as this exercise ties into role-playing games or more specifically, campaign story creation. Can you take apart a popular story, be it movie, book, TV show/streaming series, or comic book and manipulate it to keep the parts you like and add what you want and present it to your players so that they both enjoy it and don't realize you've committed Grand Theft Storyline? This activity is a sneaky exercise to both work on those skills AND to satisfy your inner fanfic nerd. And if you're perfectly fine with how all of the Star Wars movies have been written, pick another series that could use a polish and follow what I set out above to rewrite it. Please, dear Science, do not tell me how wrong I am about the Prequels (understandable if those movies came out when you were a kid, but for no other reason) and the Sequels (there you are just wrong as they suck) and that they are the best thing since sliced anything.

If you have made it this far and are interested in the exercise, but not a big enough fan of the Star Wars franchise to know where to begin or even what I am talking about, look around for other series that you think need a touch up.

• Disappointed that Hollywood, amongst all of the other remakes and reboots, still has not done anything with the The Last Starfighter? That one is actually a good choice if you don't want to dive into Star Wars, as there is very little lore and worldbuilding that exists for the movie, so you can go nuts to create your own expansion on what little is out there. 
• Are you saddened that they bloated The Hobbit into three live action movies, and wish they had kept it to a much slimmer two instead? Here is the encouragement you need to do an edit on the existing movies or rewrite your own!
• Are you horrified at what Michael Bay has done with the live action Transformers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Write better stories than the folks who wrote those scripts (man, to do a live action TMNT movie that more closely followed the original Eastman & Laird comic series? that would be epic).
• You don't have to only look at movies, are there any TV shows/streaming series or seasons thereof that you wish happened differently? Did they introduce the Borg in Star Trek Enterprise way too early (my opinion was they should have just left them out entirely)? What would Falling Skies have looked like if they had just one or two more seasons to expand on the plots they had developed and were able to wrap them up? Did Brisco County, Jr. end tragically too soon (the answer is yes, yes it did)? Now that Joss Whedon is out the picture, what would you do with another couple of seasons of Firefly? 

No matter what you like, there are opportunities as a Gamemaster and as a player to borrow (outright steal) elements from those stories and use them yourself. What movie or TV show do you think you could have done a better job writing? What movie or TV show do you want to steal a plot from for your TT/VTT RPG group?